set fire to the rain

There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head & you can hear the names that they used to call you; the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile & their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you & you don't want to let go even though you know that it's just an illusion. Every time your phone rings, you smile because it's them that's calling you. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats a hundred times faster & sometimes, you can't even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. And all you would want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing but strangers. But no matter what, you're in denial. You hide your feelings, so no one would know. You put on a fake smile & don't let a single tear break through. You're so used to hiding your feelings that you don't even realize the pain you're causing for yourself. Your thoughts become invisible. It's still there, but no one knows. Like a love letter you didn't show. And you're hurting no one but yourself.

magic really leads tragic - I ache with longing

I miss so much things. your scent , falling assleep in your arms , with the sound of your heartbeat being the last thing I heard before going to sleep .. I miss every-fuckinglittle-thing .YES , i do think about you , every now an then . Every moment of the day . Sometimes, I catch myself wondering how your doing. It's a right thing to do , this proves me i really care about you, and i really love you . But after that , i start to wonder if you do the same thing ..and i don't have an answer for these questions: 

When I'm not there... do you think of me? When you're sad and something's bothering you... do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you've had a long hard day... do you smile knowing that soon you'll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it's just for a moment? When you lay down at night... do you look back and cherish the new memories you've made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we'll be together? because that's how I think of you...

Just the thought of the days that i'll be with you is enough to get me through the rest of the days . You'll never read this . It's long and boring . It's some kind of  letter, a love letter . But this is me . this it's the way i can express myself . By writting this bullshit . all these words that can mean nothing . no-thing . It's just so easy to say some things , and not to mean what you say. i can say i know that feeling. i can call myself a liar . yeah , it's wrong ; but easier . the truth about truth is .. it hurts .. so WE lie . i'm not the only one in this world . i know this too : i can't hide behind this affirmation .. but it's a lot easier to lie and to know that for a moment I won't disappoint you . and i know -again and again - that it's hurts more to find that someone you care about lied to you . 
~i can still remember just the way you taste.
~i am here and you are there - one of us is in the wrong place!


and what i have with you is worth it. it is worth every lonely night , every tear i cry from missing you , and the pain i feel from not having you close. it's worth it because you're my one and only . when i picture myself years from now, i see only you . no matter how painful distance can be , not having you in my life would be worse.

please ?

.  Promise me, that's all I want,

just a promise that you will never forget me,

tell me I've changed you somehow,

let me know that I had an impact on your life.

Promise me that you'll always remember me.

Losing you was hard enough, but

I don't want to go on knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you.

~11m,13z_________________

"i have no special tallents ; i am only passionately curious "

The more coherently we believe something on all levels of consciousness, the more the universe tends to shape itself around those beliefs. The more deeply we know something to be true, the more likely we will see and experience the world in terms of that truth. This however, does not necessarily mean that it will be true for others. Each person - through their interpretation of what happens to them throughout life - develops their own version of reality, which has varying amounts of overlap with what others believe to be reality. We may live in the same physical world, yet our beliefs about what is true and real, and our emotional experience of this world can be quite different. Some individuals have a greater ability to influence the beliefs of those around them than others. Those who have a very strong, coherent energy field that is directed outwards generally appear dynamic and charismatic to others. They are thus more easily able to convince those around them of what they believe or know to be true. They are often considered to be great communicators and influential people. This does not necessarily mean, however, that they know "The Truth". On the other hand, a more "shy" person or one who keeps their energy more contained or directed inward may have a level of knowingness just as strong as an outgoing charismatic person, but because of their shyness or inwardness, they are much less likely (or may not even want) to persuade others to believe as they do. 

The only people who can ever put ideas into context are people who don't care; the unbiased and apathetic are usually the wisest dudes in the room. If you want to totally misunderstand why something is supposedly important, find the biggest fan of that particular thing and ask him for an explanation. He will tell you everything that doesn't matter to anyone who isn't him. He will describe paradoxical details and share deeplypersonal anecdotes, and it will all be autobiography; he will simply be explaining who he is by discussing something completely unrelated to his life. 
 ~ as the days go by, i feel more and more speechless/voiceless - if i can use this adjective to define my state of mind . 
! to be continued - at least hope so .